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As the seizure subsided I was able to secure the baby into his car seat. I had no idea how his story would end, and at this point his life looked pretty bleak. But I know that God can do anything. So I bring home this little tiny guy and put him in our great big crib.
I remember taking a picture of him the first day, just laying there in that giant crib. He had a feeding tube taped to his face. He had lost his suck and swallow, and seizures came and went at unannounced times. His little cry was so weak I had to really listen if I was to hear him. And as he lay there I prayed for him.
Days came and went, and I rocked and sang to this little guy. I think the best part of being a mother, for me, is holding and rocking the child. I enjoy it so much. It’s a great bonding time.
Sometimes people wonder how I could have been a foster mom, bonded, falling madly in love at times with my little charges, and then let them go. God seems to have given me a gift of caring for and comforting those who can’t fight for themselves. That’s my job. A wonderful, sometimes awful, occasionally heart-wrenching and bitter sweet job, and yet the joys and comfort I receive from caring for a child with special needs far outweighs any discomfort I may feel.
As I care for him I pray for him. This little guy who can’t see a thing lays in my arms and begins to thrive. His vision has been totally destroyed by the bleeding in his brain. But he still has hands so I give him toys to feel. Sometimes I rub the soft toys on his arms and legs, singing to him and making rhymes. I know that if his vision isn’t going to be here he will need to know what things feel like.
By the end of the first month in our home this little guy has made great progress in his recovery. While he is still on seizure medicine, the seizures have stopped. His cries are also louder now, and are more normal sounding. The doctor checks his swollen brain and finds that there is no more fluid build-up and he won’t need a drain or shunt after all. The brain damage is still present, but he is alive and beginning to thrive.
I take him home and now its time for him to start receiving some physical therapy to assist in his recovery. No one knows how much, if any of his brain will begin to function properly. He is still being tube fed, but we’re working on trying to figure out the bottle again.
The people at the therapy center are great. They start with where he is at and work on building muscles and tolerance for activity. They also help me with his feeding, to see if we can get him to suck and swallow again. I’ve done this type of therapy before so I know how to follow-through with it at home. And one day, before we know it, he is drinking his bottle! Hurrah!
As he grows I’m able to introduce cereal and baby food, and he eats like a champ. Wow, no more seizures and no more tube feeding. And in the following months I continue to take him to therapy. We are seeing wonderful changes with his muscles. He is now able to hold his head up, and then sitting with some support! Who would have ever thought…. This child that died and was brought back to life is a miracle in the making.
His vision is still poor and he’s still challenged with blindness. But he learns to crawl, on his back. He looks like a little crab and we all laugh. But he gets to where he wants to go, and boy does he get into stuff. I learn that children with vision impairment often learn to crawl in a similar manner.
More eye doctor appointments and better news, his vision is improving. He can see through one of his eyes now! This child, who was shaken so hard his brain broke apart like a scrambled egg, is now learning to walk. Are there people out there who don’t believe in God? His mercy is so awesome. Just look at what HE’S done!
So while our little guy is learning to walk it’s time for him to return home. He’s been in voluntary placement due to his fragile condition. And as I work with his family, they learn to care for him and are ready to make a go of it at home. And while the parting can be difficult at times, I know that God has his hand on this little guy. And I’m ready, and he’s ready, and they are ready.
I think about him occasionally. And when I do I pray for him, knowing that God has something special planned for his life. As Christians we are challenged with training up a child in the way he should go. And my care for him and prayer for him was the beginning of that training. So now, this once tiny guy with barely the breath of life left in him is nearly a man. I can’t wait to see who he turns out to be….
Thanks for listening ~
Michelle
3 comments:
God love and bless you for the work you do and have done in the past!!
OMG, this poor baby has been shaken?! That's horrible. You said the placement of the baby in foster care was voluntary, but I wonder who shook him if the placement was voluntary? I would never shake a baby no matter how hard it gets to sooth a crying baby. I think people needs to realize that if it gets to be too much they can always lay their baby down in the crib and go take a break...letting the baby cry his eyes out has got to be better than shaking the baby! Anyway, I want to thank you for being a great foster parent. Good foster families are so few and so far in between...I grew up in foster care and most of my experiences have been horrible. I have only been in two good homes, the rest was awful, I was even in a place that you would probably consider a children's home, a orphanage of sorts, more like a dumping ground for non-perfect children...children with disabilities, children with psychological issues, etc....the state dumps them there and leaves them for years, I've seen children that have been there for 10+ years and they don't know how to function in the outside world because they've never been taught to. I was there for three years and I am totally deaf so I was in that place for three years with no communication and I was always denied a sign language interpreter...near the end of my stay there I went to court and sued the place and they gave in and hired an interpreter for during the day, but I wish I had one in the first place. I was so isolated, so cut off from the rest of the world. I currently have PTSD from what happened to me at that place and what I have witnessed (physical and sexual abuse). It still affects many aspects of my life even at 28 years old, I'm about to turn 29 in a few weeks. It even affects college, college is so difficult because I have no idea how to write a good college paper...I never learned how to because the educational curriculum in that place was for maybe second graders...they considered us all mentally challenged or something and my class was considered the most high functioning one but we were still given second grade work and that was when I was 16, my last year in that place. I could go on and on forever about that place. One day my case from the county was transferred to a private foster care agency and a new social worker came and I am so thankful for her because she was the only one who went to bat for me to get out of that place and into a proper foster home...none of my other many social workers cared at all and told me there were nothing they could do for me, that I was being "unreasonable" when I asked to be placed with my older cousins in Hawaii (who fought hard with tooth and nail to get me for years - they were a very good family, my cousin's husband is was in the navy so they were stationed in Hawaii, they were willing to pay for all expenses related to moving me to Hawaii, etc...and could provide me with everything I needed, my cousin even knew sign language, cause they used to live an hour away from me when I was a small child before my mother died). Anyway, I want to thank you for being a good foster parent and taking the time to care for the children, for the tender care you give them, the attention you give them, etc. The foster care system in my hometown is so bad that it is literally in the local paper almost every week, and it makes me cry when I see an article. So, thank you. We need more good foster parents like you. There's too many foster parents who don't care and just are in it for the money or whatever, they are apathetic, etc...they just don't care. Every time I read something about a good foster family, I feel grateful because I want the foster children to have what I didn't have. Thank you.
Lucia, while I can't say WHO shook the baby, I can say that family members are not the only people who have the opportunity to shake a baby. Thank you for sharing your story.
Michelle
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