Wednesday’s Walk Down Memory Lane - Hold On

Hold On - Another Foster Care Story

© 1999

We first met BJ when he was barely two months old. He was so tiny! BJ was brought into life early with his twin sister. Although they were twins, BJ and Sister’s lives would be very different.

BJ was born with a very complicated and severe illness. This was an illness that was to cause a myriad of problems for him. When we were brought into BJ’s life, we were told that he was going to die because of the illness. We chose to be his foster family until it happened. “Just take him home and hold him,” the doctor said. “Death would be right around the corner.”

I brought BJ home with the expectation of spending just a few days with him, or maybe even a couple of weeks or so. Little did I know that we would not only receive a son but we would also become part of an entire family!

BJ’s grandparents were so gracious to us! They seemed to be very frightened about their little boy going into foster care, especially to someone that they didn’t know. And us, we had never allowed the family of a foster child to come into our home. But the fact that BJ had so little time, and his grandparents were so interested in his life, we decided to make a go of it.

In the first few days that we had BJ his body continually shut down. There was nothing we could do, even if we had wanted to. My husband, not understanding BJ’s illness completely, often complained that it wasn’t fair that BJ had to just lay there and try to breathe on his own. What he didn’t understand was BJ was dying. There wasn’t anything anyone could do.

We did what we could to make our little guy comfortable. We held him a lot. We sang to him, touched him. We kissed him and we loved him. For some, it is hard to love a child that you do not know. For BJ’s grandparents, and for us, BJ was special, and we loved him even then when we didn’t really know him.

In a short time BJ figured out that he wasn’t in the hospital, and he was with people who really cared about his comfort. That was when BJ began to live. His grandparents saw the change, and we saw the change. But for BJ, life was still to be taken one day at a time.

Taking care of BJ was not easy. I’ve read over some of my notes from those days. I almost can’t believe the amount of care that he required. And yet, at the time what I saw was a baby who needed comfort, and not a baby that was a whole lot of work. And we did comfort him, and he lived and grew. As the months went by, caring for BJ became second nature.

Knowing their heartache at seeing what was happening to their little grandson, I tried to be a comfort to the grandparents also. What if this were my child? What if this were my grandson? So I cared for BJ with that in mind.

As we continued to cuddle BJ he began to have some good days, and some very good days. I would call Grandma and Grandpa and tell them of exciting things their precious little boy was doing. We shared many hours on the phone together. We talked about their little boy who had stayed awake for 2 hours, or how he had just smiled a cute smile. There were times when I’d put BJ’s little face next to the phone so Grandma could just hear him breathing.

BJ worked his way into our hearts quickly. We loved and cherished each day with him. We knew that death could take him at any time, and yet we held on.

BJ’s grandparents took a risk and decided to become BJ’s full time caregivers, and they held on. And BJ loved his family, and where he was, and he held on, for six years he held on.

One of the things I learned from BJ was how to hold on. I’ve never seen a child hold so tight to life as BJ did. He taught me a few things about holding on. When life gets tough, hold on. When life hurts, hold on. When you can’t see the future, hold on. When you can’t see around you, hold on.

As BJ held on to us we held on to our faith. There are those who may let go of us, but when we stand behind our faith we are reassured that someone much stronger than we are will be there to hold us up.

People wonder how I do what I do. It’s because I know that I can hold on. I don’t have to take care of children like BJ, but Jesus would do it. And I learned from His example and now I do it. And I love it! And when I don’t have the strength, I hold on. And when I am stressed out, I hold on. And when my heart is broken, I hold on.

I know we’ll see BJ again in heaven. And I know when we do we’ll see his little hand in a big hand, holding on. And he’ll say to God, “This is my family. They taught me to hold on.”